When you meet a man who has aroused your interest, draw him in with your wit and charm. Give off positive vibes, never speak badly about other men, if you do it may be perceived that you are bitter and that you may have a problem with men in general. Keep your potential interest intrigued by being your warm, charming, sensual self. At the same time, be cautious of how you portray yourself in public. Theway you present yourself makes an enormous difference in how men respond to you. So be aware of the signals that you may be sending out.
For example, you desire to be in a long-term committed relationship but while in the club or bar you meet a guy that you are developing a connection with on the dance floor. You decide to take him home and have sex with him on the first night. Now here you are weeks later wondering why he has not called as he said he would. You keep going back to the same club just hoping you will run into him again.Ladies, we must stop making it so easy for men to use us. When you meet a man that you are interested in, do not immediately jump into bed him. Give yourself time to see if you still want him after the alcohol wears off . Although it is possible to develop a long-term relationship with someone that you just met and had sex with on the first night, chances are nothing serious will result from it. If you allow a manto have sex with you on the same night that you meet him, you better believe he is wondering how many other men you have met and gave it up to on the first night, especially if you met him in a club or a bar.
Remember my most important rule, “Allow a man time to get into your head and heart before allowing him into your body.” Take some time and really listen to the things that he is telling you. The more you listen, the more you learn what type of man he really is. Learning the truth about a man can help you stop being hurt by someone who couldn’t possibly love you. We have more control in potential relationships than we think. It is up to you to set the tone of the relationshipfrom the onset. Remember, it is much easier to make a good first impression than it is to erase a bad first impression.
It is important to give a man time to develop romantic feelings for you before you become involved in a sexual relationship. Make a potential mate earn your goodies. You should never just hand it over to him. Successful relationships are built on trust. When you initially meet a man you don’t know who he is. So never trust anyone until you learn their true character. Learning a person’s character comes with time.Look at it this way, you wouldn’t turn over the keys to your brand new car to a man you do not know, would you? I have a hard enough time giving the keys to my vehicle to someone I do know, but giving them to a complete stranger is out of the question. You will not give the keys to your home to a total stranger and invite him to come on in and make himself at home. So why would you give up your most prized
possession and most valuable asset to someone if you don’t know his
true character?
I always say that having sex too early in the relationship is like committingrelationship suicide. You have to give yourself time to develop a connection and allow the excitement to build. There are too many things that could go wrong when you allow sex too early in a relationship.
From a woman’s perspective, a man may have a number of visible faults that are magnified when we become sexually involved too soon. He may have a small penis, and we already know how overly critical women are of men who have small penises. He may experience premature ejaculation due to over excitement. I’m not saying this to be funny, but I hear from women all the time that had sex with a man upon meeting him and the experience turned her off so badly she felt that getting involved in a relationship with him might prove to be too much work. Granted, both of these problems could still be evident even if you give yourself time to get to know him. He may still be a premature ejaculator or have a small penis but the difference is, after allowing yourself the opportunity to get to know him you are more likely to continue with the relationship because you have already developed that emotional connection with him.From a man’s perspective, although sex with you may have been good sex, he may lose interest simply because now he knows he does not have to have a relationship with you in order to have sex with you. He may still want to have sex with you, but he probably won’t want a relationship with you. Most men will weigh the fact that you didn’t make him wait for it, you didn’t allow enough time to make him really want it and you definitely didn’t make him work for it. Men normally don’t have sex first then look forward to getting to know you afterwards. The steps are in the reverse order. He wants to get to know you in order to have sex with you. So when you give him the sex first, what else is there to look forward to?By giving yourself time to get to know each other it protects you both. Having sex too early in the relationship has the ability to leave you with this empty, unfulfilled feeling and can make you ask yourself, “Now what?” In some of my previous encounters where I allowed sex too soon, I felt that he enjoyed it more than I did. In some cases, after it was over, in my disappointed state, I only wanted to rush him out of my home because it was so awkward and uncomfortable as he tried to explain that it would be better the next time. In some cases, there was no next time because I wasn’t willing to give him a second opportunity.In recent years, I have developed a new awareness about sex that I didn’t have as a younger adult. I have a different approach about sex now. For me, sex comes with love and that factor is a prerequisite to sex. I absolutely must have time to develop romantic, loving feelings before I commit my body.Sex alone cannot sustain a relationship. When I am truly interested in a man I don’t mind letting him know that I prefer to wait simply because if we have sex before I develop genuine feelings for him, we may not live up to each other’s expectations and the relationship could be over before it even gets started. If he cannot deal with that, it is best that I know upfront. If he doesn’t agree, he has to find someone else who is willing to give him what he wants.When you give yourself time to get to know someone before engaging in sexual intercourse it becomes more than just about copulation.In the context of a relationship, sex is a beautiful thing. When you give yourself to a man out of love it takes on a deeper and more fulfilling meaning. Your sexual experience becomes an ethereal, almost spiritual, connection. If you have ever experienced this, then you know what I’m talking about and if you haven’t been there with a man, then you should desire this.
So it is always best to give yourself time to get to know a man before beginning a sexual relationship with him. Sex has proper timing in a relationship and all the required factors have to be in place in order for a relationship to flourish.Remember! Allow a man time to get into your head and your heartbefore you allow him into your body! Following my most important rule can help prevent you from a whole lot of heartache and disappointment.
We all know that any woman can find a man to sleep with her, but on the other hand, if a man will sleep with you and not think enough of you to marry you, it says a lot about how he perceives you.
Remember, men are more selective when choosing a woman for a long-term commitment or marriage, than they are when choosing a sexual partner. And only you can determine which one you will be.Don’t let your first date with a man take place at your home or his. Do not allow yourself to be enticed with the invitation of a homecooked dinner prepared by him. Yeah, I know it sounds inviting, but if he cannot take you out then pass on seeing him altogether.Men tend to think of the first date as being expensive; he already knows that you expect him to impress you so he knows he will have to spend some money. However, since he doesn’t know if you are worth it he may opt for an at home movie night and takeout pizza, which will give him an opportunity to feel you out without making a dent in his wallet.Chances are if you allow him into your home before he ever takes you out, you run the risk of falling into a sexual relationship sooner than you intended. This situation is a no-no for many reasons. You are already sexually attracted to each other and under the right circumstances it is bound to get physical. It might start out simple; kissing, touching, a caress here and there and then one thing leads to another,then before you know it … sex happens! Ladies! Do not put yourself in a situation that you may not be ready for.
Ok, now let’s just say that it happened. You got caught up and ended up sleeping with him sooner than you planned. It’s okay, don’t freak out. Whatever you do, do not turn into an after-sex stalker. An after-sex stalker tries to overcompensate for allowing sex too soon by constantly ringing his phone off the hook, texting every few minutes, wanting to know when the two of you will be getting together again.Ladies, the best thing you can do in this situation is to back the hell off ! Give him some time to absorb what has happened. At this point the only thing you can really do is to let him make up his mind if he wants to pursue a relationship with you. Women immediately equate sex with love. After sex you immediately expect a man to want a relationship. Keep in mind, men do not think this way.So let’s say that the damage has been done. Now let’s address some ways that we can fix this situation. If the man of your interest calls you within a couple of days, it’s all good. You can still turn this negative experience into a positive one, but for the sake of argument let’s just say he calls but instead of asking you out, he wants to get together again for sex. This is your opportunity to tell him that although you enjoyed sex with him you are not looking for a casual sex partner and it seems that the “relationship” is starting to be just about sex and you want more than that from him. You just placed the ball in his court. He knows that he cannot have a strictly sexual relationship with you so now he has to make a decision.Don’t be disappointed if the decision he makes is not the one you want. There is always the possibility that he won’t make any other attempts to call or see you again. Men are funny like that and he could be thinking any number of things. As I said earlier, maybe he feels that he does not have to have a relationship with you now because he’s already had the sex. Who knows what could be on his mind. Whatever happens from this point on you have to be okay with it. Use it as a learning experience. Do not make the same mistake in your future relationships. Remember: There is nothing wrong with playing yourself as long as you learn something from it.Some women have problems understanding their role in a relationship.
I receive countless e-mails in which women express to me the need to know where they stand in their relationships. These women expect their man to clarify if they are actually in a relationship or if he is just using her for sex! Ladies, let me assure you that if you have to ask someone other than your man what your role is with him, you should already know that you are not “in a relationship.”
Women need to check a man’s actions in order to determine where she stands with him. Sure, it might be the right thing for your man to tell you where you stand, but it is not always necessary for a man to verbally acknowledge to a woman whether or not he is in a relationship with her.A man’s actions will tell you where you stand quicker than any words that could ever come out of his mouth. Pay attention to warning signs because they are always there. Never try to rationalize or make excuses for your man’s bad behavior. Does he take you out and spend quality time with you or does he only see you when he comes by late at night looking for sex?If a man spends his social hours hanging out with his buddies or doing whatever else he chooses to do and only comes by to spend time with you afterwards, you are just a casual sexual partner; a jump off , booty call, or whatever other terminology you may be familiar with.One woman told me that she had been seeing her man off and on for over nine months yet she had never been to his home. How is this possible? He managed to keep her away from his home by using the excuse that as a single parent, he wasn’t ready for his kids to meet her yet.Ladies, when you are involved in situations such as this you should already know that you are not in a relationship. You need to figure out why this man continues to see you. Then you need to figure out why you are allowing it. You may have to ask yourself, “What is he getting from the relationship?” Usually its sex, but some women are known to buy expensive gifts and give money to a man with the hope that he will want to be with her. Then ask yourself, “What are you getting from it?What does this man contribute to you and your well-being that you cannot provide for yourself?”
Ladies, you don’t have to settle for being just a booty call. You have so much to offer to a man who is worthy. If you continue to allow men to walk into your life and devalue you, he will continue do so, as long as you allow it.Men love and respect women who first show love and respect for themselves!
Excerpt taken from the chapter....
Understanding You!
(And Developing Your "FABULOUS" Self!)
Pink Kiss Publishing Company
P.O. Box 744
Gautier, MS 39553
